About Artie

Artie really is the strongest man in the world. He wears a tight, 40/60 cotton - titanium blend, outfit. His strongest man in the world activities include moving an underpants emporium to Tulsa, Skipping stones off Uranus, surviving dodgeball onslaughts and hitting a golf ball 300,003m from Dad’s driving range. Being the strongest man in the world is not Artie’s only superhuman ability. He also has heat vision which can be harnessed to win staring competitions and in true super hero fashion he also has his very own weakness. Whammy Bars. These have the same effect on Artie as kryptonite has on Super Man. Artie has been described as a mutant on many occasions, bu it has been scientifically proven by Ellen that he is not an alien. After all his mucus is standard colour and he can hop on one leg. His enemies are John McFlemp, an aluminium sidings salesman and Papercut, a school bully. He has also had a run in with a queen bee who was staying in Wellsville for the Summer.

Artie is not, however, invincible: he has been beaten, most notably by an evil bowling ball. The awesome power of the ringing phone was also too much for Artie, but not for Pete and as we know Pete gets all his super human abilities from Artie.

Apart from all this Artie leads quite a regular life. Although primarily a super hero, he has also had jobs as a salesman and a bowling ball champion (with the help of a psycho-kinetic, hamster powered bowling ball). He lives in a ‘port-a-john’, his favourite smell is tire gas and his favourite sounds are armpit sounds as they remind him of his mother. Artie is partial to funk music to which he once danced for 11 days non-stop, listening to his Krebstar 2000 radio. He also does a mean voodoo crispy and diesel jerk. His preferred way of travelling is in a land canoe. He hates cars.

Artie has now left Wellsville and is currently helping a kid who doesn’t have his own T.V. show. In his final minutes on the programme, when Pete asked Artie if he will ever see him again, Artie replied “Worry not boy, Worry not”. Many hoped this implied he would make another appearance on the show, but he never did. Although the show was still brilliant after he had left, it lacked a certain Artieness, it was missing his unique, hilarious brand of oddness. As big Pete said Artie made the world "a little bit stranger and a little bit better." To coin his own phrase, Artie is "pipe!". Artie the strongest man in the world, we salute you.